remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
