When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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