i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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