In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
