I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
