The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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