he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is the high leading the old right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
