His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
