dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
