I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize