"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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