At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
