i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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