ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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