she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize