Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
