:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
