put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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