he thought i was a dude.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
