Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
