i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
