i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize