Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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