I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
