Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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