i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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