So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
