Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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