He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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