First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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