Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
