Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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