I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
