Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
