I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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