Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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