census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize