toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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