I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
