Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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