I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sober January is a disaster.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
