bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
