I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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