its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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