did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
