I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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