She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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