Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
