I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
