drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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