Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
