I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
