Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
