life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
