Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
