he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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