once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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