Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I touched a dick in church today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Pooping to opera.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize