I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
