turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
