i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
