Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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