capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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