hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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