Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
