he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we're making bets on your personal life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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