I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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