Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
