I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
