What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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