can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
