why didn't you poke me back
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
