I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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