so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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