Sry I called you an 8
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
