wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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