i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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